I have been an epileptic for five years now, two of them being undiagnosed. Epilepsy has left me with schoolwork unfinished, poor grades, a roller coaster of medicines and side effects too numerous to mention. Since my first grand mal seizure I have fought with trying to figure out which piece goes where in my mixed up brain.

Although epilepsy is a common disorder, it is very difficult to live with. In a lot of cases, inheritance of epilepsy can be the cause, which seems to have been my case. But, sometimes pinpointing the cause is very difficult. This is called idiopathic epilepsy or unknown cause.

Epilepsy can be divided into two groups: generalized and partial seizures.

When the whole brain is involved this is generalized. When only part of the brain is affected, it is called partial. In the beginning my seizures were only complex partial seizures, which came from the frontal lobe of my brain. This activity occurs most of the time during sleep. I would toss and turn, scream, throw my arms and legs and most of the time wake up frightened.

After two years of tests, doctors and more tests, I had the grand mal seizure. This type is most commonly called a convulsion.

One morning I woke up for school as usual then let out a sudden cry, fell, and my body stiffened and were followed by jerking movements. My breathing even stopped once and my skin became blue. My mother had no idea of how long this lasted but she said it seemed a lifetime. But after the jerking movements stopped I fell into a deep sleep.

From this point I was diagnosed with epilepsy and treatment was established. Epilepsy is usually treated with seizure preventing medicines called antiepileptic or anticonvulsant drugs. Several drugs and different combinations of drugs had to be tired before my seizures were under control. But, with most drugs there are side effects. My biggest problem is not being able to comprehend which has took a terrible toll on my schoolwork and my grades which has caused me to have low self esteem of myself.

Of course there is the fear of having a seizure while I am at school. My achievement at school is very low. There are several reasons for this, including side effects from the medication, having to miss days of school for doctor visits and my total anxiety about having seizures.

Epilepsy cannot be cured but it can be controlled with the right dosage of medication, this still does not take the fear away of having another seizure. Not knowing the cause and the question of why did this happen to me. Thinking you may never get your license or have to wait longer than your friends, worrying about how you will get through life all because this one experience you had.

Becoming a teenager is difficult enough without having to deal with epilepsy. Staying up late and getting too little sleep can bring on a seizure, which are habits of teens. I have learned to deal with my disorder and I am working hard to bring my grades up. I am a senior now and will be leaving for college next fall. Epilepsy will not stop my dreams for a future. I will survive.